3 Years

I can't believe it has been 3 years since the Lord took my darling mother home to be with Him. April 21st will forever be seared in my mind. Though that day became pain free for mom, our lives were changed forever.

There are still so many days where I think of her or go to call her. I want to tell her, "Listen to "Inger" read." or "Mom, I need you to pray. I'm having a rough day." And she would tell me, "God is using this, Sarah Jeannie." She was always a constant source of encouragement to me and our family.

It's amazing as life goes on, how much more I become thankful for this special woman in my life. She inspires me to be the mom I need to be.

I know I love to have people over to my home because she did.

I know I love to serve and help in the body of Christ because she did.

I know how strive to love all people around me because she did.

I know how important God's Word is because she did.

I am the mom I am because God gave me an amazing mom (and dad).

(This is one of my favorites the year before she died. Anyone who knows mom can appreciate this.)

Apologies and Updates

You all have been so wonderful in praying for us during these last 3 years while we travail in tears and prayers for "Hoss". And it has been just inconsiderate of me not to be updating you. Many of you have sent me prayers that continue to hang on our Wall of Prayer for him. 

He arrived back in Florida on March 4th and he is doing amazing. We just had our first official visit with him last Saturday. He is so full of joy and peace; like we haven't seen for a real long time.We have filled many bottles. God has counted the tears. We can't. But I am confident that, above all, God's name will be magnified through this.

 

Last week, He participated in the yearly A.C.E. convention for the state and did very well. The basketball team won first. He received 1st place for shot put and discus throwing too. Another first place in the category of black and white still life photography.

 

He also won 2nd place on his Science Paper.

 

"Hoss" has always had the potential to be an amazing leader. He has had many bumps along the way. This momma heart of mine is so proud of the man he is becoming. God is certainly molding him into a truly beautiful testimony of His Work. There will be more bumps, I'm sure of it, but we are resting in the progress made and praising God from whom all blessings flow.

Almost

Just a couple more days and "Hoss" will be back in the area. Many emotions are running through our minds, but the most important: trust. Oh, yes, the anxiety comes and goes, but we are striving to continually go back to the Word and the truth of who God is.

Agape Boarding School as just put out their most recent newsletter and our family is featured there. What an awesome opportunity to praise God for His amazing provisions over the last three years.

Here it is!

Another fabulous thing God has done in the last two weeks is to send other parents just starting this journey of far off love for their boys that are now residing at the place my boy has been for three years. Their hearts are torn and hurting. My heart hurts to hear them, yet I am so confident in what God has done in our lives, I can give them hope in the cross and in our Savior. This has helped so much to calm my fears and AGAIN!!! go back to the truth I know. Thanks for your prayers friends.

The Next Leg of This Journey

March 4th.

The ticket is purchased.

"Hoss" is headed back to Florida. Not home, yet. But will only be 15 minutes away. The Lord has allowed an opening the same school he attended when he came home 2 years ago. They have group homes there as part of their ministry, so now we have the opportunity to try to restore our relationship. We will have much more time to talk and see him. It's pretty much impossible to do from so far away.

We appreciate your prayers as we strive to follow God's lead in this. One thing we've learned as our three oldest have all become teenagers is we hit our knees so much more often lifting them up to the Master of their hearts. The easier road would be to keep Josh where he is at. Agape Boarding School has been exactly what we needed for the last three years. They have gone above and beyond to love our son while we couldn't. But, it is time to get to know our boy again.

Prayer for the following requests are coveted:

* God to still pull "Hoss"' heart in the direction of His will.
* "Hoss" to fully surrender his entire life, will, and desires.
* Peaceful transition to this new school.
* God's blessings on the staff at Agape and now Legacy.
* The ability for "Mr. Cartright" and I to fight any anxiety in the process.
* God to be glorified.

This road is one of so many twists and turns, but thankful to our Lord for His hand being with us all the way.

#16

Today marks another special day. Sixteen years ago to the day our oldest was placed in our arms. So many emotions took place that day. You see, he was born on December 21st and was supposed to become part of our family then. But God said, "Wait." (At least for 5 more weeks.)

Tampa International Airport was the place of introduction. We had waited for what seemed to be so long to hold this bundle of joy. I had no idea the love that a woman can feel for a child. The love goes so deep I know he was born of my heart. The years have brought so much joy. "Hoss" is one of a kind. A boy who made us laugh so hard we cried. A boy who when he questioned why he was different (at 3 years old) really tried to understand. A boy who longed to be born in my tummy, and for these memories I am so grateful. 

For the new road traveled as a now 16 year old is very different, but still good. For God works all things out for good. Painful, yes!!! But, I trust, still good. I know the first eleven years will never go away. No matter how much pain in felt in these teen years, our love goes deep. And I know his does too. He just has to figure things out. 

I am so thankful for this Happy Gotcha Day today. I so wish and desire that we could be together to celebrate it. To add more photos and memories to his special book. There are 3 years of deep heart felt letters that have no memories to accompany them, but I am confident that the Lord is working. I love this boy-man of mine so much. I am trusting and praying that one day he will be an amazing husband and father, who loves Jesus with all his heart. 

As you think of us, friends, please be praying as we are in the middle of making a decision on a new placement for him. Right now he is at Agape Boarding School in Missouri. They have done a fantastic job the last 3 years, but it is time to move on for the good of Josh. The Lord is leading and we are trying to follow and make the best choice for our boy. Thanks in advance for your prayers. 

God is good. 

Stop the Questions!

So, I'm reading through Job again. 

Enough said!

I could end my post here, and most of you would understand. But, alas, I will share my thought.

God takes a man who walks closely with the Lord; a man the Bible calls blameless and upright and allows Satan to sift him. He allowed everything to be taken or destroyed, except his very life. He had no Godly counsel, no helpful encouragement, or a supportive wife. He did what most of us would do. He starts questioning God.

Why? What have I done? Why doesn't God hear?

He begins to wish life was the way it used to be. He remembers the joys and sweetness of life.

Been there. Done that.

He hears from three "friends" who think they are doing Job a service. They really are pouring salt into his already infected wounds.

Then God speaks.

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding."

"Who set its measurements? Since you know. Or who stretched the line on it? On what were its bases sunk? Or who laid its cornerstone, When the morning stars sand together And all the sons of God shouted for joy?"

"Or who enclosed the sea with doors when, bursting forth, it went out from the womb; When I made a cloud its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band, And I placed boundaries on it and set a bolt and doors, and I said, 'Thus far you shall come, but no farther; and here shall your proud waves stop'?"

"Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, and caused the dawn to know its place, that it might take hold of the ends of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?"

This is just the beginning of God's deep questioning of Job. And I realize before I can verbalize it that I am needing to hear these questions too. I am waffling between trust and those "whys".

I am tempted to shut Job out and go on to those wonderful Psalms. But, I will continue to dig deep with a heart cracked open (again) to myself and my heart that needs to confess where I struggle. Here I find my knees getting worn and my voice getting hoarse. 

But this Creator of mine knows before I speak.

Trust Versus Control

Lysa Terkeurst is an author whose books I have read in the past. I am thankful for her new devotional that has come out recently.

Unglued is an easy to read, yet challenging daily devotional that addresses topics such as contentment, control, trust, and keeping the right perspective. These are all things people, especially women, struggle with. She does a great job of reminding us of the truths from God's Word, yet acknowledging the constant pull we feel from the world and the world's systems. 

As a mom of four children, three of whom are teenagers, there are many days in which I feel completely overwhelmed. Unglued, if you will. This devotional has helped me in many ways to reexamine how I respond to daily choices as well as the deep valleys of trial and despair.

Again, Mrs. Terkeurst has used her gift of writing to lift up the weary souls of fellow women, moms, wives, sisters and friends.

As part of the Booksneeze Blogging Network, I received a free copy of this book.

He is Good

He is good, He is good. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. (Insert music)

I have been dwelling on these thoughts lately. And when I do, I can't help but sing.

My eyes can't be fixed on my circumstances.

My eyes can't be fixed on the temporal.

My eyes can't be fixed on those around me.

My eyes can't be fixed on the jagged rocks that cause me to stumble, nor the cliffs that bring fear close by.

My eyes must be fixed on "the author and perfecter of my faith". I must be "press on to the upward call of Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14)

Remember these posts a couple of years ago? Well, I'm musing over them and grabbing that book out again.

Fear can be so crippling, but when I gaze at my Savior and remember all He is doing and CAN do, I marvel that I can even fear.

I fall to my knees (which are hurting by now, for the falls seem so hard) and cry out for strength to trust. To be obedient. To bask in His grace and mercy.

From the Heart

Reading a book about someone's journey through cancer is difficult, especially if you have gone down this path with someone you love. But I took the plunge and read Ken Mansfield's latest book, Stumbling on Open Ground.

Ken Mansfield writes his heart on paper, as if he is journaling about his experiences and emotions during this long road with cancer. I am too young to remember him in the music world, but I can read and appreciate what he did to make others look and sound good. He was a man in the midst of the fast lane, when God halted him. He was radically saved and then plunged into a difficult battle, not once, but twice, with cancer. 

As I was reading this book, I couldn't help but think of the psalmist who cried out to the Lord to deliver him. Gut-wrenching and brutally honest, Mr. Mansfield shares his struggles with God's grace, mercy and sovereignty. He doesn't candy-coat his message of pain in the midst of trusting. The reader can easily envision the author pounding his fists and screaming for relief, and then be assured that he is on his knees in quiet trust and surrender. 

Honest and broken. That is how Christ wants us. The road was extremely difficult for Mr. Mansfield, as it is with each of us at different times in our lives. BUT reading a book like this and being with the community of believers during these difficult times, whether physically or through hearing of the journeys of others, is the daily encouragement we each need. 

I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs encouragement through whatever trial they are experiencing.

I received a free copy of this book as part of the Booksneeze Blogging Network.

Christmas Visit in Pictures

 "Hoss" came home for a week. It was a whirlwind. Physically and emotionally. For all of us. God is working in baby steps...although I'd sure like to see leaps and bounds. But isn't this true of all of us. Thank God He is patient with us as we struggle and strive. 

Here are a few pictures of our Christmas together.

This is a picture of all the cousins from my side of the family. It's been a long time since they were all together.